Wow, how things have changed since I’ve gotten older. So here are all the things I love to do at 35:
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Marie Kondo my apartment
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Crawl under my covers and cuddle with myself while I watch The Office
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Take screenshots of texts from shitty dudes and send them to all my girlfriends
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Balance my budget and realize, oh yeah I’m still struggling
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Remember all the guys that I’ve dated, oh wait I can’t remember most of them!
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Desperately try to forget all the guys I’ve actually dated
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Listen to my eggs shrivel up and die one by one
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Complain about how tired I am, but still remain so busy that I can barely function
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Dance on the subway while listening to the new Sam Smith and Normani song – this girl is going places!
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Fight the patriarchy – always!
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Constantly talk about how I want to lose those 10 pounds, but then never feel full and keep shoving cheese in my mouth
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Watch all of Jenny Mollen’s stories on Instagram
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Workout on a mini trampoline in my tiny apartment with lekfit
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Pay my dietician, therapist, astrologer, physical therapist, and wellness center with all my money and wonder why I’m broke
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Last but not least, finally have the sweet sweet relief of plucking that little chin hair that I couldn’t get for two days
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