Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to do EVERYTHING?! I find that most of the people I know are running from work, to family, to friends, to improv class, to an open mic, to do errands, and so on and so on! Why do we constantly feel guilty if we just can’t do it?! Is it just me or do we really need to stop it now?! I’m learning how to allow myself to a take break so I don’t completely burn out.
I might as well come right out and say it. I have IBS. That’s irritable bowel syndrome and despite doing tons of bits about it on stage, it’s actually pretty awful and debilitating. I’ve been in a really rough period with it the past few months. I was running myself ragged from my demanding day job to doing standup sets. Finally, I got so sick that I had no choice and pulled back from everything. It was a struggle on many days to just make it through my work day. I felt like the universe was yelling at me to stop and slow down. I didn’t do anything after work, but instead just went home. I’ve stayed around my apartment and neighborhood most weekends.
Yet, after finally finding the right doctor at the Mayo Clinic (Yes, I flew to Minnesota and Yes, that place is amazing and better than all of the doctors I’ve seen in New York), I still feel burnt out. I’m on a cocktail of medications and supplements. At first, I felt so much better right away and wanted to rush back into doing everything again. The universe yelled at me again, “Not so fast girl!” It’s a bit of a step back as some of the medications are not working as well as I had thought along with different side effects. It’s definitely a process figuring out the treatment that truly works and is long-lasting. It’s time for me to be patient with myself. It’s time for me to be kind to myself. It’s time to just recognize that I have time!
I want to stop feeling guilty for not wanting to do open mics right now. I want to stop feeling guilty for wanting to go home and just relax. I want to stop feeling guilty for not wanting to go out on a Saturday night or on a date with a random dude from an app. Where does this guilt even come from?! Why do we put pressure on ourselves that no one else is putting on us?! It comes in so many forms. Our weight, our looks, our success, and even our social calendar. Life is short I know, but life is also about knowing what we are capable of and when we are actually capable. It’s okay to pull back. It’s okay to take a break. Open mics will be there for me when I’m ready. Sick and running on empty is not a good look on me.
P.S. Here’s one gluten free snack I’m loving right now. I’m literally eat spoonfuls on my couch!
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