Twilight Zone Headshots

On a bright Sunday morning, yours truly woke up early to get my hair and makeup done for some brand new headshots. This comedian of yours finally needs professional photos as festival season is slowly approaching. It’s time to enter into all the festivals possible! Per a recommendation from an acquaintance, I booked what I thought was an outside shoot for 3 hours. I knew that this was a side gig for the photographer and that she was fairly young, but I checked out her instagram, photos, and asked numerous questions before confirming the shoot. I made it very clear what kinds of photos I needed.

Throughout the weeks leading up to the shoot, I received numerous messages from the photographer. In fact, it was starting to get annoying. I don’t need a “You excited?!” message, but I blew it of.

So last Sunday morning, I spent approximately 3 and a half hours getting my hair and makeup done at Drybar and Sephora. I was then off to meet the photographer at 1pm in the West Village. As I shoved a gluten free peanut butter sandwich into my mouth and walked down Bleecker, I received several messages checking in on where I am. I thought that was odd as I had just texted her that I was walking there. When I met her on the street corner, we immediately starting walking down the block to start shooting. I had no time to decompress as she told me to take off my coat and waved her reflector blinding me as I attempted desperately to look halfway normal while people walked passed us.

We took photos outside for approximately 20 minutes while the wind repeatedly messed with my perfectly coifed hair and my eyes teared up from the cold. Every photo she showed me on the camera was awful. Not only was it windy and cold, but the constant starting and stopping was difficult. They call it a “shoot” for a reason – so that you get a period of time to relax and get into it. Every time we wait another two minutes for the wind to the die down, I had another strained smile in the next photo and my hair was all over the place.

Finally, I told her that these photos were not representative of what I look like to which she responded that she did not understand why I had false eyelashes, foundation, and a blowout. Huh?! This is for headshots, no?! After what felt like forever, the photographer suggested that we go inside to the dog store that she was working at the day.

WHAT?!

We walked to the address she had given me and I observed a sign taped to the door that she was on a lunch break and would be right back. This girl thought that she would get my money for taking a quick 20 minute break from work?! After we got into the store, I was just grateful to be warm. Surprisingly, numerous customers came in and out. (Surprisingly, because I’m not a pet person and who really buys food and toys for their dog at an overly priced store in the West Village?!)

Alas, I tried to make it work. I sat on a stool behind the cash register and she took photos of me while customers shopped. Those photos were definitely better than outside, but still not cutting it. I then went down the stockroom basement and changed my shirt for the next round of photos next to expensive gluten free dog treats. As I stood there eyeing the treats, I said to myself, “Danit, you are a grown ass 35 year old woman. You are not paying this girl a dime and you are getting the hell out of here. THIS IS NOT A PHOTO SHOOT.”

The photographer came down the stairs and apologized for the customers taking so long. Oh that’s not the right apology hunny. I told her that I was completely unaware that she would be working today and THIS wasn’t working for me. I grabbed my tote bag full of shirts and left – much more irritated but a little richer than I had intended.

With the help of two amazing friends, I got this photo right here!