No, I Will Not Text First!

I walked into the bar and saw him right away.  It really is true that you know within the first few minutes of a first date whether you’re going to connect.  It was instantaneous.  We flirted, we touched, he held my hand, and he went in for that first kiss.  We laughed and talked for hours over drinks. He repeatedly told me how he wanted to see me again. We left the bar arm in arm.  He ordered an uber for me from his phone and sent me home safely. Before I could even unlock my apartment door, he texted to make sure I was home. He told me he had a great time and hoped he would see me again soon.  I unabashedly agreed. He said again that he wanted to see me again soon. I said absolutely. He wished me sweet dreams and we said goodnight.

Ladies and Gents, this was not an okay date.  This was not a good date.  This was an exceptional, phenomenal, run down the street smiling next level date.  The date that undoubtedly puts the two of you on a path of actually dating each other. Three days later, I still had not heard from him. I sat there wondering what went wrong.  

Don’t we all know that feeling? Your mind is going in circles. Was it that story that I told? Was it the other story?  Did he actually read my blog?  Was I doing this too much?  Was I not doing this enough?  Was this real?! Did I imagine how good it was in my head?! Did I read it all wrong?! I literally cannot remember the last time I’ve felt like this.  I spent a year in a relationship that tore me to shreds. I’ve spent the past year healing and putting myself first.  I’ve dated here and there, but even if I was excited or hoping someone would text, I haven’t felt this – that supreme confusion and disappointment.  To be honest, they’ve usually texted.

Then, I gave in.  I broke my rule.  My major unbreakable rule that I live and swear by and I sent him a text. I kept it light and breezy, saying that I had a great time and reminding him of something on the date. Nothing.  Radio Silence for hours.  Then I finally get a text that feels like he didn’t want to be a total jerk so he wrote something in response, but it was one single sentence with no room for continuing the conversation.

Another three days go by and nothing.  Absolutely nothing from him.  I gave in again!  I sent another text to be true and authentic to myself.  I texted that it’s obvious he’s not interested but I’d love it if he could shed some light on what happened.  I didn’t expect to hear back at all.  Wow, he did actually text back quickly!  He sent a barrage of busy excuses and apologized.  We made plans to meet the next Tuesday or Wednesday.  I thought, okay, this is something!  It just was such a good date, how could I just let it go? But I knew.  I knew that this didn’t feel right.

That weekend, I heard nothing too.  I had a great comedy show and went out with my friends.  I met a guy in real life at a bar and gave him my number.  Look whose confidence is back baby!  Sunday night rolls around and still radio silence. Ok, I thought.  That’s it.  

Monday morning, he texts me! I am shocked and excited.  Except, I open the text to only read a another slew of excuses.  He actually writes I’m swamped and speaking of swamped, I need a rain check. What a blow off! At first, I don’t respond.  But hours later I change my mind and write back that no rain check is necessary.  I want to make my point clear – that I don’t believe him. He actually responds quickly in what feels like an angry text that he’s got my drift now. 

What?!  How did this turn around on me?!  How am I now responsible for the lack of momentum? So I decide, fuck it. I write a text that its clear he’s not interested in a second date, even though it makes no sense to me, and that I’d rather just call it what it is than continue faking excuses.  Ooooof, he does not like that.  I get a nasty text message back that he doesn’t understand why would I think that but its clear I’ve made up my mind. What?! I’m just telling the truth.

As I sat staring at my phone, all I could think is that if I had not texted at all, I would have never heard from him.  Women are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.  I gave in and broke my rule.  I lived in the 2019 era and texted the guy.  Yet, he couldn’t even take any accountability and just acknowledge that he is not interested or at least that his lack of contact would lead me to believe that he is not interested.

I don’t know what planet this guy dates on, but I date here on planet Earth. If you have a great first date, but basically never contact the woman for two weeks and when you do contact her, it’s to say you’re too swamped to get together, she will think you’re not interested in having a second date. Yes, this is how rational thinking works! To say that you don’t know why the woman would say that you’re not interested in having a second date, makes YOU the CRAZY one!

On Tuesday, my friend convinced me to text the guy from the bar on Saturday night.  Ugh! I basically just texted a how’s it going message. Guess what?! No response!  So I’m done.  I’m going back to my rule. I don’t care if it’s outdated or technically not feminist.  It’s what works for me.  No, I will not text him first! Yes, if he is interested, he will text me.  Period.  Maybe a guy will even surprise me and call.  Crazier things have happened! But what hasn’t happened, is it ever working out if I have to do any of the pursuit in the beginning.  I apologize in advance for offending anyone, but it just is what it is.  

So I’m going to remember how amazing I am. I’m going to remember that I just wanted to start dating more again.  I’m going to remember that no rejection can define my worth.  I still come first and I still know what I deserve.  I deserve that exceptional date.  I will get other exceptional dates.  I will be in another relationship. And no, I will not text first.

P.S. Happy Mother’s Day to everyone out there! Here’s one of things that my mama wanted: